Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
