When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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