Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
