it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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