Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
