Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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