if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
