I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
