trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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