so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
