Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
