i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
whose parrot is this?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
