It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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