LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize