U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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