took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
