it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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