we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
