dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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