I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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