I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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