How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
