I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
