I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
