i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
