Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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