im so drunk with asians
where?
always
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
