My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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