i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
