Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
