How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
love makes seman taste better
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
