I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
