his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
