just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so much tequila, so little girl.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
