it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
