I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
