I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
