dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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