We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize