Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
