im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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