This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
