i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
