Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
