So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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