fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
