smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
