I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No subtext here. People are naked.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
