Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
