I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When are your genitals available?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
