I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
