I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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