Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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