Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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