my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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