after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
