What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
