I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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