like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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