Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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