Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
