I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
