All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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