That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
