Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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