I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
