I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
