There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please don't give away my fajitas
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