After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
