So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
