why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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