My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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