i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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