Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
