Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
