I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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