i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
