tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
