he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is Oprah even human
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
