Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
